friendship - Jeremiah's Vow

Lent 2022 | Day 39: Friend

In Jesus’s final gathering with his disciples, he offered them a word of encouragement I believe we too can participate in. Jesus told the disciples that he no longer considered them servants.

We are now days away from celebrating the glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ. This single event defines the fullness of our faith. Without the resurrection, we are left with no hope for what lies beyond the grave. But in the resurrection, we find a reason to endure the trials of this life and look forward to the promise to be fulfilled.

In Jesus’s final gathering with his disciples, he offered them a word of encouragement I believe we too can participate in. Jesus told the disciples that he no longer considered them servants. After all of their time together he had shared with them and talked with them about all that the Father had given to him. Now, as a result, they were ready to transition from those who were receiving to those who could give to others.

How do we know this is true? Jesus tells them he no longer called them servants but that he now considered them to be friends.

There is a big difference between a servant and a friend. The biggest of the differences is a servant does not have the same kind of access that a friend does. Servants cannot call upon their master and seek the same kind of comfort that a friend offers to a friend.

The reality this is describing is that at the end of our journey with Jesus we should be able to consider him our friend. In this case, what I mean by the journey is the journey of discipleship. That time where there is intentional and specific training, instruction, and encouragement to live out what is being learned. But there comes a moment we stop being students and we must begin to live for ourselves. Not ignoring what we have learned but according to what we have learned.

It has become my practice whenever I enter into a discipleship relationship to tell them from the beginning, “At the end of this discipleship process, however long the Lord gives us, if we are not better friends I will have failed to have discipled you properly.”

This mindset comes from what Jesus told his disciples. At the beginning, there was a great deal of transfer of information and correction from Jesus to the disciples. But as they matured they became more than just receptors of information and truth. Whether or not the disciples truly understood this does not change the fact that Jesus said this was his desire and his intention.

Whether or not we have ever felt like this about those who have discipled us in the past does not matter for how we should move forward. When we realize what Jesus was trying to do in and through us we become accountable for that.

And so as we prepare ourselves to celebrate the fulfillment of God’s great promise of salvation we should give thanks to Jesus Christ who is that friend that sticks closer to us than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Jesus is the greatest friend we will ever have. Let us learn from him and be good friends with those whom we journey within this life. Even if it is only for a short time.

Give Us Ears To Hear Ep. 4 – Toxic Relationships

In this conversation we are talking about the cultural phrase “toxic relationships.” It’s something that we hear used and something maybe you have used – but have we thought about what it actually applies to and what it doesn’t? If you’d like to continue the conversation, leave a comment or send a message. I would love to hear from you!

My hope is not to condemn people in how they’ve used the phrase. But to simply reorient ourselves to how we can take seriously the unhealthy things in our life while at the same time looking to live like Jesus. Check out the video:

Give Us Ears To Hear Ep. 4 - Toxic Relationships

The Power of Wise Counsel

What do you do when you rant? Most people just let it rip. But, that is not my style…usually.

Well yesterday, I wrote something that was pretty “rant-y”. I wrote it, and was about to hit “publish.” But something said I should check with a few people first.

Well, I did and as a result I put the rant in the trash.

One of the lessons of living in this period in history is the reality that once we put something out there, it is impossible to take it back. That is true of inter-personal relationships and it is true of social media.

We are all learning. We are all capable of saying encouraging and beautiful things. But, there is a “bonehead” living in each of us. And, from time to time they want to get out. We just can’t let them.

When I heard back from the people I sought counsel from, I was disappointed. I wanted them to tell me to let it rip. But they didn’t. They told me what they believed was right and wrong with my rant. And the wrong outweighed the right. It would not have produced the effect I wanted.

To be honest, I wanted to say it. But, in the end, wise counsel won out. Wanting to do something is not justification enough to do something foolish.

Now, my “rant” was pretty mild as far as rants go. But it would not have been helpful or kind. It would have felt good, but it would not have advanced the conversation. So, rather than put something out there that I would second guess, I hit delete.

The lesson for me was twofold. First, if you have access to wise counselors, use them. When you do you everyone benefits from it, not just you.

Second, don’t take it personally when what you hear back is not what you wanted. If you trust your counselors, trust their counsel. Pride is a dangerous friend and an even worse counselor.

I am still growing. Still learning. Still in need of reminders that just because it popped in my head does not mean that it needs to escape my lips.

Lent 2018 | Day #19: Discipleship

As I have been discipled and have done discipleship I have realized that what makes discipleship work is the friendship that is created in the process.

For the last several years the idea and practice of discipleship have become a life-changing passion. I have thought about it, written about it, and become more intentional about practicing it. The remarkable effect of becoming focused on any subject, you quickly learn how little you know about what you are studying. That was the case for me. Even with all I have learned, I know that I can refine my application of all that insight.

Today I would like to share what I believe is the most important lesson I have learned in my investigation of discipleship. As I have been discipled and have done discipleship I have realized that what makes discipleship work is the friendship that is created in the process. This is exactly what Jesus tells us at the end of his ministry on earth.

15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)

There are two points to focus on. The first is that Jesus intentionally identifies the disciples as friends. After three years of travel and ministry, Jesus did not see them as servants. They had become friends. The shared experiences of life had forged a bond among them all. We do not know all of the details because the Bible does not tell us, but we do know how Jesus felt about the relationship.

The second point of focus is that Jesus shared everything God had sent him to share with them. This means that sharing is an important aspect of discipleship. But the purpose of sharing is not merely to inform, it is to help that person be transformed. If all you do in a discipleship relationship is get more information, be careful that transformation is sacrificed in the process. Information is a poor substitute for a transformed life. And too often we accept it when we should be looking for a lasting change. But, we all know how difficult changing is!

As we move closer and closer to Lent I would ask you to consider your own discipleship. Are you being discipled in a way that leads to transformation? Or are you getting fat on new information? Chose the kind of discipleship that does the first! You will never regret it and you will never be able to deny it.

Family, Community, and the Blessing of Being Connected

Everybody is alright, but yesterday we had a bit of a scare. My sister started feeling ill all of a sudden. We had to call 911 for an ambulance and then she was carted off to the emergency room.

To say that I was a little freaked by it would be somewhat of an understatement. I am not typically an outwardly emotive person. I like to think that I can and do remain composed in difficult situations. However, when your little sister, who is a nurse, is in some medical distress and she does not know what’s going on, you can get flustered. And I did.

I was at the office when my dad left to go check up on her. She had finished her night shift at the hospital and was sleeping at my parent’s house. For those who do not know, I serve as a pastor in the church my father planted in 2007. So, when he goes to the house and I get a call from my mom not to minutes later, alarms start to go off in my head. As I sit in my office, trying to figure out what is going on, I decide to just go over to the house. I knew that is where I needed to be.

As my wife and I were watching our nephews (she had decided to come over as well thank goodness), this thought came to my mind: I am glad that I was close enough to jump into action.

It has been a long time since I lived close to family. These last two years have been especially nice for us as a family. And, it’s when things like this happen that you begin to understand how important family is. But, I also realized how important it is to be and stay connected with those who, while not blood relations, provide a stabilizing effect on your family.

There are three comforts I believe we can enjoy when we stay connected with others in close relationship.

1. When we are connected we are never alone.

The world can be a lonely place. It can be so easy to get disconnected and to miss out on so many wonderful things. Life was never meant to be lived alone. God, from the very beginning, understood that it was not good for people to be alone.

One of the greatest tactics of the enemy of our souls is to tell us and trick us into isolation. When we are separated from one another we are vulnerable. When we are are cut off from the rest of our community we are susceptible to believing lies and half-truths. Our community can provide a counter-measure to our insecurities and doubts and fears. When we are surrounded by others who love us, we can face far more difficulties than we ever thought possible.

2. When we are connected we learn to appreciate those who chose us.

It is true that when things get hard for us is when we know who are friends are. Many people are friendly. Many people can be counted on to offer kind words and even encouragement. But, there are some people in our lives who show up unasked. Who do without being told. Who are ready to enter into the hell of your circumstances and wait with you for it pass.

It is then, at that moment, when you you know you have found a friend. I am not trying to discount what many people do. I am pointing to a specific kind of friendship that we all need. We need to have friends like this but, we should also be friends like this.

3. When we are connected we share life with others.

This is, in the final evaluation, what we should be striving for. We should not only be looking to provide support or help to others. We should be offering ourselves.

This is Christ’s example. Jesus came to serve and not to be served. Jesus humbled himself and became like a servant for our sake. Jesus was not trying to impress anyone, he was trying to impress upon us the importance of forming bonds with others that go beyond the physical to the spiritual. A friendship forged in the fires of faith are destined to last.

I am fortunate to count my siblings among my friends. This may not be true for everyone. However, this does not mean that we can not cultivate deep, meaningful, and enriching friendships with those in our churches. It can be a risk. And, it can be scary. But, in the long run it will most certainly be worth it.

Lent Day #28 | Friendship

Today I had the chance to celebrate with some friends from our church. They will be moving due to the army and in the middle of all that they will be trying to get married! I think that makes for some stress. In light of that, we grilled some food, enjoyed amazing company and I was reminded of the power of friendship in our lives.

I would like to say I am a good friend by keeping up with everybody’s home life, kids, jobs, interests and tragedies. I would love to say that, but I can’t. I don’t do enough calling and staying current. However, there is more to friendship than information. If the quality of our friendships could be evaluated by how much we know about each other, any social media user would truly have “friends forever,” as the song goes. I have come to see is not what I know, but how I came to know what I know about my friends that makes our friendships rich and memorable.

I have fond memories and can still feel the lasting effects because of the influence of my friends. They have touched me and in a very real way, they are with me because they have helped to shape the person I have become. I would not be who I am had it not been for the impact of their lives on mine. I am and will be eternally grateful for my friends, those who chose to walk together with me for as long as our life paths allowed.

Growing Pains, Pt. 7 | “Changing Circles”

Difficult Choices…

What happens when we make life decisions that make a change in the way that we live our lives? It is hard to change the way that we do things. How much more difficult can those changes be for our families and friends? If we have Christian family we should consider ourselves blessed. But, there are many who make a decision for Christ and are pushed out by the those that they love. It is not an easy thing to chose Christ. The way may appear to be simple, but the journey can cost us in areas that we could not imagine.

To live the Christian life, to live it as it is meant to be lived will require difficult choices. And these choices are difficult because some of the choices may require us to change the circle, or circles, of influence in our lives. A circle of influence consists of those individuals that we listen to and trust. The reason that a change may need to be made is not because the person is bad, but because our values have changed. The reasons and motivations of our lives have changed and if someone does not share these things with us then something will give. Something must give. Having said this, it does not mean that you must let go forever or even at all. What changing circles means is that the ear that at one time was ready to hear must now filter words and intentions that do not agree with the Word of God.

…Must Be Made…

It begins with hearing the truth of the Gospel and all of a sudden the conviction of the Holy Spirit moves us to make a profession. We confess our sins, accept Jesus as Lord and are baptized, joining a local body of believers. Then we go and share what has happened because this was such a wonderful thing that has just happened, but we do not get the reaction that we wanted or expected. We are left to wonder whether or not the decision that we made was the right one because the ones that have helped and counseled do not seem to agree with us. It is here that the we reach a crossroads where the difficult decision is made.

A choice must be made because we cannot continue in our old ways of doing things. It must be made because we have been changed and have become new creations in and through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). It must be made because if there is to be any chance to be what God would have us to be we must be willing to make the decision and be confident that it is the right thing to do.

…In Order To Grow.

Ultimately the most important relationship that is nurtured in our lives is the one with our Heavenly Father. Because of this it is important to surround ourselves with those individuals that will provide for us the environment, structure, education and encouragement that we need to make our faith a reality. It is possible to have a faith that is not real to us. If faith is mere theory, an idea what we wish we had, it will not be real to us. If what we want is to have a real and living faith we need to do what needs to be done-we need to change circles.

It’s not about hurt feelings, missed friends or a popularity contest. We are talking about our hearts. We are talking about the condition of our souls and the direction of our lives and the lives of our families. It is time to live the choice-you already made it.