“and wherever you go, there you are.”

Here’s the longer quote from Thomas á Kempis:

“No one feels in his heart what Christ felt in his Passion, except the person who suffers as he did. So, the cross is always ready and waits for you everywhere. You cannot escape it no matter where you run, for wherever you go, you are burdened with yourself, and wherever you go, there you are. Look up, look down; look out, look in. Everywhere you will find the cross, and you must endure patiently if you wish to have inner peace and gain eternal life.”

The Imitation of Christ

This quote reflects a fascinating challenge in the modern age of “self-awareness.”

Or really faux-self-awareness, if we’re honest – as too many have become only self-aware enough to explain away, justify, or mask their flaws.

Self-awareness is vital in Christian maturity. But it is not an end in itself (like it can become for the world around us).

The end for Christians is becoming like Jesus. And so we must take another path alongside the quest for self-awareness (at the very same time really), and that’s the road of self-crucifixion.

 

We can only die to ourselves when we actually know ourselves. Ironic isn’t is?

 

Many people have been taught to live very well within the façade of an idealized false self. Unfortunately, religion can many times cause people to become entrenched in that false self even more if they aren’t careful.

It looks like presenting a version of oneself to the world that isn’t completely true. It’s modified. Typically enhanced or exaggerated. And unfortunately something people can get so used to presenting that they lose themselves completely in it, and usually require a jolting of sorts to finally deal with the reality of who they have become…

 

For the Christian, our calling is to become fully aware of ourselves (the good, the bad, the ugly) and to own those aspects of who we are, so that we might be able to crucify the things in our humanity that must give way if Jesus is going to take precedent in our lives.

And this practice of self-awareness requires us to be fully present.

Right where we are.

With who we are.

In view of those around us.

 

Which is where the quote comes into play:

“and wherever you go, there you are.”

Sounds very profound, doesn’t it?

Yet, ironically, it is very simple.

Simple, and yet very hard to live out.

 

Why? Because we are experts at distracting ourselves from being fully present.

With work.

With TV.

With music.

With social media.

With hobbies.

With vacations.

With religious entertainment even.

 

The list is endless of that which we can use to perpetuate distracting ourselves from who we are so that we can go on pretending we are the false self we’ve become accustomed to.

 

Popularity.

Money.

Power.

Titles.

And more only make it harder in this process as well.

But we chase after such things. Not even realizing that what can be seen as a blessing externally can internally quickly become a curse.

Those things can cause us to puff up our false self and thicken the barrier to genuine self-awareness, which keeps us from truly being present.

And what changes when we become fully present? We can become fully aware of God’s presence with us.

And what changes when we become fully present? We can become fully aware of God’s presence with us.

Which allows us to be tuned into the Spirit.

Which allows us to become more like Jesus.

Without disciplining ourselves to be present, we will find ourselves merely participating in the grind of life.

Reacting.

Pressing.

Crashing.

That’s pretty much the cycle of an unfulfilling life, isn’t it?

I’ve lived it.

Maybe you have too.

Maybe you still are…

We can choose to keep running the race of life like most of the world around us. Burning ourselves out and burning thru relationships with those around us.

Or, we could look to the life of Jesus for another way.

A better way.

The way we were created to live.

An eternal life full of inner peace.

But the only way to get there is the pursuit of being fully present.

And that only comes as the stream of self-awareness and the stream of self-crucifixion merge into the river of life that Jesus has been offering us this whole time.

In The Pain, God Is There

A reflection on how I’ve experienced God meeting with me, inspired by Elijah’s experience with God in 1 Kings 19:8-18.

I feel alone sometimes.

At times it feels like wandering.

Other times it feels like running for my life.

On the outside I can accomplish something big for God. People see it. God shows up. It proves my faith. Right?

Except on the inside I’m still not sure where He is when the big thing is over. Will I still be alone? Wandering? Running for my life?

And so I hide. From others. But mostly from God.

But then He comes and invites me to meet with Him.

And so I go to meet Him where I think He will be: in the big church event. The band. The choir. The singing. The preaching. The altar. It’s the place where people come to meet with God. Right?

But that’s not where He wants to meet with me.

And so I go to meet Him where I think He might be next: in the conference, the concert, the retreat. All the people. The unique setting. The exciting or heavy emotions. This is where big things happen in my life for God. Right?

But that’s not where He wants to meet with me.

And so I go to meet Him where He’s surely got to be: in the mission trip, the outreach, the doing. That’s where people need me. That’s where important things are accomplished. This is where God wants to work in big ways thru me. Right?

But that’s not where He wants to meet with me.

And so I’m unsure where He wants to meet with me.

Then the pain comes: death, sickness, loss, broken relationship, anger, anxiety, confusion, loneliness.

And in the pain. A voice. His voice. Quietly speaking:

You

are

not

alone,

I AM

here.

So this is where He wants to meet with me.

This is where He wants to speak to me.

This is where He wants to tune my heart to His.

In the stillness of my pain.

I was so busy looking to meet with Him in all the places I was told He would be. All the places I knew He should be. All the places outside of my pain.

But He was waiting. To meet with me. Right where I was. Right in the midst of my life. Right in the middle of my pain.

But He was waiting. To meet with me. Right where I was. Right in the midst of my life. Right in the middle of my pain.

Commentary:

I am not saying God has not “shown up” in my life, or doesn’t show up in people’s lives, at things like church events and retreats. I’m saying I never understood what truly being with God (and more accurate what God truly being with me) was like until I finally experienced Him meeting me right where I was at. It has been my experience that many of us go looking for God “out there,” instead of experiencing Him being with us “here” – right where we are.

I spent so much of my young adult life “looking for God in all the wrong places” (if I can play off a popular music lyric). I’m not sure it was taught to me more than caught. But I had grown up believing God was out there somewhere. In the religious experiences. In the displays of worship. Even in the miracles or on the “mission field.” I would have never said such a thing theologically. But practically it’s how I lived.

And then something shifted. Years ago really. But this COVID season has solidified it in a way that is actually changing my life.

It’s the very truth of the incarnation: He is not out there. He is right here.

With me. With us. Right where we are.

In our homes. In our workplaces. In our schools.

In the store. In the hospital. In the counseling session.

In our playing sports. In our vacations. In our gathering with friends.

And once I found Him here with me, it didn’t change the pain. The pain was still there. But I didn’t feel alone in the pain anymore. And I didn’t run from the pain anymore. Because God met with me in the pain.

You are not alone. God is with you.

He wants to meet with you in the pain.

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