Book Review | Hooked: New Science On How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children

Summary

Hooked: New Science On How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children by Drs. Joe S. McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush explores the data that has emerged in the area of neuroscience and the effect of sex on young people. While the book is based on some very “heady” scientific information, the book is written in a clear and accessible manner.

The book covers the effects of two chemicals that are released in the brain when sexual contact has occurred. Oxytocin is released in the female brain. It’s primary function is to bond a mother to her child. But, the studies conducted and consulted by the authors reveal that this is also the same chemical that is released when a woman interacts with a potential mate. Vasopressin is the chemical released in the male brain that has a similar effect in men. The primary function of the chemical is to bond the male parent with their offspring. However, vasopressin also has the added function of bonding the man with potential mates.

The authors do a good job of describing the processes involved in the release of the chemical and in their effects. And, while the majority of the book covers the scientific realities of these chemical releases, they do draw some conclusions from sociological-psychological sources that point to the connected effects of engaging in physical contact with persons of the opposite sex.

Probably the most interesting conclusion that the authors draw is that the science appears to validate many of the religious convictions regarding relationships, particularly that of abstinence and monogamy. What makes this so interesting is that they are making these claims strictly drawing from scientific studies and statistics. Other areas that are addressed are the increased risk to emotional health, psychological stability, financial gain, social engagement, professional advancement and overall happiness when young people engage in the practices of casual sex, serial-partnerships and co-habitation.

One of the more stunning statistics cited related to the total number of sexual partners.

9 Years Ago Today I Said I Do… And I Have!

December 21, 1997. That’s the day that I asked my wife to go out with me. It was awkward and I was scared to death. She said yes, and the rest has been the making of history.

January 11, 2003. That’s the day that Miranda and I stood before God, family and friends and pledged our lives and love to one another. It was a great day. At least that’s what it looked like in the pictures. I barely remember what was going on or what happened. What I do remember is driving to Atlanta counting the money that we were given after my mom made us dance with the guests. (Something Miranda specifically said she did NOT want to do. She got over it!)

The wonder of marriage is that it fulfills and satisfies in ways that you could never imagine. I have made my share of mistakes. Some have been more damaging than others. Trust truly IS a fragile reality. Through it all we have walked together.

Nine years ago I said I do. I do love you. I do want to spend my life with you. I do want to grow a family together. I do. I have. I will continue to do these things. I am still a work in progress. My Savior Jesus and my wife know it better than anybody else.

Miranda, I am thankful for your love, your grace, your forgiveness and the occasional reminder to show my work. I am trying to do and be more for you. I love you!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

unConventional Twisdom

Every time we doubt God’s tremendous love for us,
we turn the wine back into water.

via Bob Goff | @bobgoff

Parents… Talk To Your Kids About Sex

An interesting reality check. I came across these statistics and was more than a little surprised. One of the fundamental roles that a parent has is in helping their child or children develop healthy sexual lives. If you have kids that can be such a daunting idea.

A 2011 study revealed a surprising source for teenagers to learn about sexuality—their parents. Here are some of the results of the research:

45 percent of teenagers rely most heavily on their parents for information about sexuality.

32 percent of those surveyed relied on guidance from friends.

15 percent relied on what celebrities thought about sexuality.

The study also revealed another interesting statistic: 78 percent of parents assumed that their teenagers would turn to other sources (besides parents) for advice about sexual issues. Based on these statistics, the study’s lead researcher concluded, “Parents are more important than they think. It’s the role of the teen to be autonomous and turn away, but it is the role of the parent to remain a role model.”

If you have kids it can be such a daunting idea to have these conversations. But, what do we want our young people to know? The more we communicate the clearer the message. We should not be so naive as to think that we are not communicating, especially on this subject. Having two daughters does not make this subject all that much easier. What I have been resolving within myself is that, as a family, this should not be a “private” matter. Something to be discovered and learned about by accident. I am not completely sure how it will all play out, but I am thinking about it and working to be prepared.

via Illustration | Preaching Today

A Spiritual Gut Check

In this post I will let you in on my plan and my dream! Read on and I hope you join the journey with me!

Yesterday I said that I would be letting you in on something that I will be doing this year. Well, here it is.

One of my “Faith” goals is to make one new disciple of Jesus, for Jesus this year.

Now, while that may not be too earth shattering to some, it is to me. I want to intentional find and lead another soul into a deeper relationship with Jesus. I have to tell you, I am scared and excited about it.

So, let me give you some background and then the plan.

This all begins with a simple question. I gave you a hint yesterday. Do you remember what it is? I asked: What was the last thing that Jesus asked and left for his disciples to do when he went back to heaven? He said it at the end of the Gospel of Matthew. Let’s read it:

¹⁸ And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20, ESV)

Jesus was given authority by his heavenly father, and with that authority Jesus commanded his disciples, both present and future, to go and make more disciples. That appears to be relatively straight forward. One would think that this would be something that the church and her members would spend a lot of time thinking about and doing. To some degree, we do a very good job of talking about discipleship. It is just in the execution of the plan that most of us get bogged down and even stall into failure.

Here is the gut check. In the time that you have been a Christian, have you ever, intentionally made a disciple? Now, before you answer that question, here is the definition of a disciple.

A disciple is someone who makes disciples.

This definition is designed to be both wide and narrow. It is wide because we are not designating “how” this happens. There are a multitude of factors that play into making disciples, and we will discuss some of those in the future. The “how” should never become more important than the “what.” When you claim to be a disciple there is a necessary byproduct to this profession.

Here is the simple truth of it. If we are disciples and we are NOT making disciples, we are misfiring is a very critical way. A brand new car, with no gas, is just as useless as a car with no engine. They both might look the same, but something vital to its work is missing. But, if the gas is added, then the one that has all the necessary components will work as it was designed to do.

The engine of the Christian life is the process of discipleship. Without it the Christian does not have what he or she needs to move towards God’s purposes. The gas that moves the discipleship engine is the Word of God. This is something that we will see.

But, this definition is also narrow because it identifies the expected “what” that should come from the process of discipleship. After a discple has been made, what should they do and what should they be? They should be disciples, followers of Jesus, who go and make more disciples that look like Jesus AND themselves! This is what I call the ELEVENone Principle.

Paul helps the Corinthians understand what it looks like to be disciples and to do what disciples do when they adhere to this one idea. Read if for yourself.

¹Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. (1 Corinthians 1:1, ESV)

Here is the question that just grabs me and will not let go when I read this erse. Who is Paul asking the Corinthians to imitate?

Now before you go and give me to old, “Well I am not Paul” line. Let me ask this. Are you supposed to be? Whoever said that everybody had to be an apostle in order to make disciples or even say what Paul says here.

“It just sounds so prideful and arrogant.” “Who am I to ask someone else to do what I am doing?” Wow! With that kind of humility why shouldn’t we follow you! (Sorry, but this kind of thinking drives me crazy.) When did it become more faith-filled to avoid doing what the Bible points to us doing? Jesus never promised us a perfect, care-free life. Trials and trouble, sometimes, are what mark the life of a Christ follower.

The level of self-awareness and humble recognition that Paul is calling the Corinthian’s and all believers who read his words to is this, nobody can be for another what Jesus is for us. But that does not remove the responsibility that we have to be and become like Christ to those that God has placed in on our path.

I could go on and on here, but I will save some of this for later. Here is the bottom line. If you are a disciple of Jesus, then you need to be making disciples. No exceptions. No excuses. So, the question that we must as is why are we not intentionally making disciples? What is holding you back? Could it be that we do not know what to do even to get started? I know that this is exactly what the problem was for me and I am in full-time ministry!

So, this is what we are going to do. If you are interested in learning a simple way of growing closer to Jesus and helping others grow closer to Jesus, i.e., make disciples, this is what I want you to do.

Pray. Pray. Pray.

Pray that God would confirm his plan of using you to make one disciple of Jesus, for Jesus this year. Pray that God would start a fire in your heart for the souls of those whom God sends to intersect your path. If this is what you want to see in your life commit yourself to trying something new.

Today will be a time of prayer and reflection. Tomorrow, if you want to be a part of a plan to make one disciple of Jesus, for Jesus this year, I will share with you a simple process that will blow you away. It did for me!

Day 2: What Will Make This Year Different?

Well, day 2 of 2012 has started without a hitch. Glad to see everybody made it!

Over the last several weeks and months I have been grappling with this question: What will make this year different? There are any number of ways that any one of us could answer that. We will do better, try harder, accomplish more, slow down, do less. I don’t know what it is for you, but I have come to the conclusion, that for me, the theme for this year will be

NOT FOR GRANTED

That’s it.

I will no longer take for granted the people whom I love or the ones who, of their own free will, share their time with me. Does that mean that there will be no hiccups, no arguments, no misunderstandings? Come on, not even the most optimistic person in the world could believe that! What I want is to remember that everyday is a gift. A gift filled with wonderful opportunities to make a difference.

I think that this is the fundamental idea for me right now. What I want to be different is that I want to make a difference. I want my time and energy to not go to waste. There are several things that I will be doing this year that I hope will make my goal for this year come true. I will be sharing one of them tomorrow.

Come back and see if it is something that you want to be a part of. (HINT: I has to do with the last thing Jesus said I/we should be doing as Christians).

Also, I have an announcement to make tomorrow about something I finally finished LAST year! I can’t wait to share it, but I will.

Hello 2012… My Name is Victor R. Scott!

It is here.

Another year.

Another set of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months to make a difference in my own life and in the life of those around me.

I pray that I am able to try some new things. Accomplish some big things. And maybe even succeed and a few things.

I don’t know what this year will hold. I just pray that I will enter it and enjoy it.

ALL of it.

No looking back, holding back or going back.

Hello 2012. I may not be completely ready for you. But, I hope you are ready for me.

An Anniversary I Do Not Want To Celebrate

In Memory of

Jacob Carlyle Davis

August 20, 1986 – December 28, 2010

One year ago today my brother-in-law died. He was a young man finishing his course work to become an occupational therapist. He was preparing to propose to his girlfriend. Everything appeared to making sense in his life and then the unthinkable happened. He veered of the road trying to avoid a deer and his life was cut short.

That is the way that we feel about it. That is our perspective. Limited by time, space and grief. The way that we see the world and the events that take place in it, but God does not measure a life in the same way the we do. It is the quality of life lived for Him that pleases God most. This is a difficult lesson because it forces many of us to second guess what we have always believed. Many of us live, never fully committed to what God has called us to, never fully engaged in God’s mission for His people. And then, when we have little or no life left to give and no energy to offer we wish we had lived differently, better.

These are the thoughts that fill my mind and heart today.

Below are the remarks that I made during Jacob’s funeral.

I was looking at a Gideon New Testament on Wednesday that Jacob used and because of a crazy need for book pages to be kept straight I stopped and straightened the pages. I decided that if ever there was going to be a day to do the “flip and read” method of listening to God that would be it. I looked down and saw that I was in Second Corinthians 5. I would like to read to you a few verses.

¹ For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. ² For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, ³ if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. ⁴ For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

⁶ So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, ⁷ for we walk by faith, not by sight. ⁸ Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹ So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. ¹⁰ For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

¹¹ Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. ¹² We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. ¹³ For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. ¹⁴ For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; ¹⁵ and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

I needed to read that because that is exactly what Jacob believed and live out each and every day.

We were driving toward Harlem on Tuesday when Miranda’s aunt called and told me, “He’s gone.” That was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that Jacob was fine. I wanted to hear that Jacob had a broken leg. I wanted to hear that Jacob would never walk again. I could have handled any of those things, but not, “He’s gone.” That was not what I wanted to hear.

At 4:04 pm, December 28, 2010 – Miranda calls and tells me that Jacob has been in an accident. Twenty-nine minutes later, at 4:33 pm, Miranda’s aunt calls and our lives are turned upside down and radically changed forever.

There are days in all of our lives that we wish we could erase. Days like Tuesday. But, I can’t erase it. I have to live through it. The pain and sorrow that I feel, I have to believe, will fade. I’m just not sure how long it will take. We were driving through one of the many small towns in central Georgia on our way home and we came to a church that several times had been the object of our jokes because of its awful signs. You know the kind. The ones you roll your eyes at. But Tuesday we didn’t see a cheesy sign. We didn’t see a reason to joke. We saw a word from God written on plastic: “Jesus feels your pain.” I needed to see that. At that moment, I needed to know that we were not alone. The death [of a loved one] has a way of making you feel isolated and alone in your own skin.

Driving toward a reality you would rather forget has a way of unfolding the assumptions that you have about yourself. Listening to your wife cry out for answers and having none to give. Wanting to find words of comfort for her that just won’t come because you can’t find any for yourself. Crying, frustrated and angry with the reality that right now, in this instance, being the man of the house just isn’t enough to soothe the hurt that has opened up in the heart and soul of the people that you love brings you face-to-face with what you believe.

Perspective, often times comes to us at too high a price. What I have come to see today is that life is more precious than I could have ever imagined. Too often taken for granted. Never always enjoyed as it should be – it is such a precious gift.

I told my dad Tuesday that this is the closest I have ever come to doubting God’s existence. How could this happen? Why now? Why him? Isn’t this supposed to happen to bad people? Why does this stuff happen to good people too?

When my family drove across the state to join in our mourning we had some time to share about all that had happened. My dad told me that part of the reason we feel such a great shock from this event is due to the perception of wasted potential. Wasted potential.

That is why I refuse to believe that Jacob’s life was wasted because of any anger I feel that he was taken from us too soon. I refuse to believe that Jacob’s life was not reaching out to the extent that God had designed for him. I refuse to believe that God would have filled this one man with so much talent and grace to rob us of some future demonstration of his love. There was no wasted potential because Jacob was using it all up everyday and God was giving him a fresh dose every day.

I am coming to understand that death is NOT a part of life. It is the vicious violation of life. It is the devil’s way of mocking us and making us feel hopeless and helpless. The bible says that death is an enemy. I was struck by all that happens when a death occurs. Family, friends and communities rally together, not just for comfort and support. We gather together to boldly confess that death is not what God had planned for us.

God was at work in Jacob. Every movement of Jacob’s hand was fulfilling God’s purposes. In every step of his life WE felt the love of God. I feel cheated because I will no longer get to experience this reality, but God has not been cheated. God has been so glorified in the midst of all of this. I have heard the name of Jesus said so often this week.

I see Jacob with new eyes. Through the eyes of those that he served and loved and who loved me back. I have read of his gracious nature, his sincere smile, his gentle words, his quick wit, his sharp tongue. I have remembered late night conversations and early morning reflections. Jacob’s life was not wasted. He lived more in 24 years than most of us can even imagine living in a lifetime.

As a youth pastor I want to say something to the Journey students. You have seen what a life sold out for God looks like. You have enjoyed Jacob’s witness. God is giving you this opportunity to make a choice. You have a wonderful staff and amazing pastors that know what Jacob knew. Listen to them, talk to them and stop wondering if being sold out to Jesus will keep you from enjoying your life. Jacob had more fun than anyone I know. The bible says that he who humbles himself will be exalted. Look around you, I think that this is part of what that means.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe that God will bring us through this, but right now I am angry and hurt. I love God and I trust him, but I don’t like Him right now because I think my plan was better. I even feel a little guilty saying it. But my heavenly Father’s chest is big enough to handle the fists of his hurting son. My God is bigger that all of this [crap].

I don’t have the ability to understand this. There are no reasons, no explanations, no theological systems that can make sense of this right now for me. I want to wallow in my sadness. I may even need to. I don’t really know for sure.

There are many things that happen in our lives that are just beyond the ability of the mind to comprehend. The death of a young man too young to have seen what many of us have taken for granted has shaken me in ways that I never knew was possible. Jacob Carlyle Davis was an 11 year old punk when I began dating his older sister. When he died he was a 24 year old punk whom I had come to love and respect. He loved Jesus, his family and his church.

He was my brother. I love him for what he added to my life. I appreciate and admire him for how he lived out his faith in so many simple ways. And I will miss him in ways that I cannot express. Well done, Jacob. Well done.

Christmas Has Come!

The child has been born.

The angels have proclaimed the coming of good news and joy.

The Shepherds have seen with their own eyes the great sight that was proclaimed to them.

Now, it is our turn. What will we do with at Christmas? My prayer this Christmas as that we would turn Christ. That we would turn to Christ and live lives worthy of the Gospel message that he proclaimed.

Merry Christmas!

A Season Abounding With Miracles

Miracle on 34th Street is one of my favorite Christmas movies. The adaptation made in 1994 is particularly good. In the movie there is a scene where a young deaf girl comes to see Santa Clause. The girls mother explains that she can not hear. She just wanted to see him.

Then the unexpected happens. Santa comes into her world. He enters into her world and reminds her that she is not alone. This simple act is more than just kindness. It truly is grace personified. I love this scene because not only is the little girl blessed, but so is her mother, who just wanted to make her daughters life a little bit happier. A little bit more joyful.

This is what Christmas is all about. It is the reminder that God has entered into our frailty and made us feel less alone.

Remember this Christmas that you are not alone in the world. God has come down and has become like you and me so that we may know joy. Now and forever.

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